Since When Did Being a Mom Mean You Had to Become an Expert in Everything?

Since when did being a mom mean you had to be an expert in all the things?

The mountain of overwhelm that we are holding on up on our shoulders is crippling with us with stress and guilt. The feeling that if we just work harder, learn more, look under one more rock we can ease the pain or discover just the right answer that will benefit our child tremendously. Feeling behind in the mom chat because why does everyone else seem to know the answer or have read an article or know a professional that could be just what we need. And it's not just one topic, it is literally all of the topics under every single category.

I need to be a dyslexia expert on the best proven practices of the science of reading and how to navigate the state legislature and inner workings of our school politics to advocate for my child.

I have to be an expert on executive functioning and know when my son’s frontal cortex will be fully grown and help him navigate life until it is (or he at least can locate his Chromebook).

I have to be an expert on all the technology. What games are the kids playing and how violent are they? What apps does my teenager have and how are pedophiles using it to reach him/her? What are they being exposed to? Who’s tracking them? Better yet, how do I track them?

Speaking of, I have to be an expert on screen time and apps that help me manage their screen time. When to monitor? How to monitor? Where are devices allowed? Will the AirPod permanently embedded in my son’s ear 24/7 affect his hearing long-term? Do we not want devices in the classroom because they are too distracting or would it be a good idea in case there is a school shooter?

I also have to be an expert on technology that is supposed to help me be an expert! Parent portals, sports hubs, sign-up apps, linking calendars, payment apps, etc., etc...

I have to be an expert on drugs including ones I've never even heard of. Vaping? Fentanyl? How to identify them, where my kids might encounter them, how to identify if they’ve taken them? How to effectively teach them about them.

I have to be an expert on healthy food for our growing kids. Too much dairy? Gluten isn’t good? White sugar? Not enough protein? Don’t even get me started on allergies! What is a healthy, fast meal I can make Every. Night. Of. The. Week. that everyone in my family will like?

I have to be an expert on all the best camps, which sports clubs are worth pursuing, what activities supplement other activities the best. What are the latest trends we’re supposed to be pursuing? Kid yoga? Meditation? Personal Training? Kid CrossFit (I hope that’s not a real thing)?

I have to be an expert on new math, what tutoring is most helpful, which books are okay and which ones do people want banned and why. Will we be behind if we don’t do summer school? What about that creative writing camp or science week?

I have to be a sports medicine expert. Is that a fracture or a sprain? Does that need heat or ice? Better google what ointment is best for this or what remedy we need for that. Would an essential oil work? What about vitamins? The best kind of sunscreen?

I also have to be an expert on how to get in with the real experts! Have you tried to make an appointment with a specialist lately? Is it best to have insurance try to get in with them? Your primary doctor? And most importantly WHO do you know that is connected with someone in the experts office to get you in?

I have to be an expert on the best teachers, doctors, coaches, friends, friends' parents, vacation spots, tutors, therapies, anxiety, disorders, how to spot the disorders, how to fix the disorders. Is there a group for that on Facebook?

I have to be an expert on the best way to talk to my kids so we can have an open relationship, how do we compliment them (can’t say you are pretty or smart anymore, instead compliment the effort itself). What about bedtime rituals? I need to be an expert on finding balance. Keeping them busy enough they stay out of trouble, but not over scheduled and stressed.

And AI has made this overwhelmed feeling of needing to be an expert worse, not better! Now I feel almost certain that the correct answer does exist somewhere out there, someone has done the research, and I have the ability to find it, I just have to work hard enough or be an AI and prompt writing expert to know how to find it. I'm trying to learn all of this new technology that is coming at us at lightening speed and changing daily just so I can keep up and utilize it to help me with all of the questions I have, but it just creates more questions about how to use the new systems and becomes another item on my ever growing to-do list.

And this, this is just regular mom stuff. I bow down to the moms who are dealing with serious issues where they need to advocate for their child and truly become an expert in what is ailing them IN ADDITION to all the regular mom expert stuff. And to working moms being actual experts at their jobs at the office and at home. And to single moms. You are doing hard things ladies.

I am just an expert mom venting to other expert moms about how tiring and overwhelming it can all be. I’m having trouble finding enough hours in the day, enough tabs to keep open on Google, enough to do lists that span pages, enough other expert moms to help me expert my own household!

I just want it to be enough to make a great pot roast and let my kids know I love them. That simple.

*This was one of the very first articles I wrote for Babble in 2023 and I am just now publishing it three years later. I didn't think I was "expert" enough on how to express myself or punctuate all of my thoughts correctly. Three years later I still feel the exact same overwhelm over a variety of new, and dare I say, scarier parenting topics and know I am not alone and it is worth stating even if the punctuation isn't correct, because that was never the point anyway.

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