What Women AREN'T Babbling About: Sex, Body Odor, Vaginal Changes, Mental Health, Pooping & More - presented by Charge Hydrostem
Nothing around here is too TMI, although there do seem to be some topics that we aren't Babbling about with even our closest girlfriends. Topics that are important to cover in midlife, but also make us a little uncomfortable to bring up during a girls night out.
That's where Babble, and our presenting sponsor, Charge HydroStem, come in. Together we asked our Babble community what TMI questions are nagging them. There were five areas that kept coming up (you can click straight through to the section that interests you most):
Some of these topics feel strange to talk about, and some are serious enough we don't want anecdotes from our girlfriends - we want expert advice. We got you. We surveyed the experts and did the research. We chatted with the doctors behind Charge HydroStem about all things women's health. We also talked to a certified nurse-midwife, a doctor of physical therapy, and a Functional Integrative Terrain Nurse Practitioner. So kick back, relax, and get the TMI answers you've been craving.
Special thanks to our presenting sponsor, Charge HydroStem, who isn't afraid to go there with us. It's their job to help women with some of the more unspeakable issues they are having, specifically when it comes to vaginal health.
Charge HydroStem makes a hormone-free vaginal wellness serum aimed at the dryness and tissue changes that come with postpartum recovery, perimenopause, menopause, and healing after surgery. The formula uses exosomes, peptides, and growth factors, and you apply one applicator a week for 90 days across three boxes, with a maintenance plan after that. Charge offers a weekly self-care ritual for women who want relief without hormone replacement therapy. Learn more here.
Question #1: SEX
Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby: How Intimacy Changes in Midlife
Charge HydroStem was obviously a wonderful resource on this topic and provided some great info below. Check it out:
A lot of women report sexual issues during midlife, but it's important to note that not everyone suffers. A lot of women have some of their best sex in their 40s and 50s. But maintaining the parts of your intimate areas make this possible. It's blood flow for arousal. It's lubrication for enjoyment. It's collagen for comfort and sensation. It's keeping your mind focused on enjoying the experience rather than killing your own mood by wandering thoughts of what your partner is thinking or what's happening with your body. It doesn't take much to pull your mind away from being present and feeling confident.
Women can suffer from changes in the tissue but letting this become a normal topic only helps everyone! You can get ahead of a lot of the symptoms with proper steps. The focus on preventatives should just be about vit D and retinols. Intimate skin even though we can't see it has a huge impact on how we feel in our bodies.
The tissue thins. Honestly it is a crude compartment but one of the first places you see the effects of hormonal changes is going to be around your mouth (smokers line) your neck, hands and your labia.
I would have bought Charge in one second if I had this as an option after childbirth. Being a young woman, wanting to get my body back, my sex life back and feeling strong again. Yes. Sign me up! It's not only the obvious trauma but it's the hormonal shift, Charge will help the tissue to rebound so much faster.
The most important thing is what actually works. Scientifically... When you stop producing certain hormones, the intimate tissue starts aging and it doesn't stop. The menopause symptoms eventually subside but women are incredibly active and vibrant well into their late 70s. So what works... Cell messengers, telling the cells to keep producing. It's called mitosis, your cell will make a direct division of itself every time. So do you want an old non-functioning cell to make a twin or a healthy cell? Start early before the cells are depleted. Stem cells are the future of preventive medicine and regenerative medicine. Plant based doesn't signal to human cells. Even human derived exosomes have to come from the right source. It's science!
When it comes to this topic, we received some additionally great information from Molly Gray, PT, DPT, cert MDT with Mountain Mamma Pelvic Health.
Sex, Intimacy & Desire During Perimenopause
Perimenopause and midlife can bring some really big changes to sex and intimacy, and one of the biggest factors is that our hormones are no longer predictable. Estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone can fluctuate dramatically, which can affect desire, arousal, mood, sleep, and how our bodies physically respond to before, during, and after sex.
At the same time, declining or fluctuating estrogen can change the tissues of the vulva and vagina. They may become drier, thinner, less elastic, and more sensitive. Penetration that once felt comfortable can suddenly feel uncomfortable or even painful, and when your brain starts associating sex with discomfort, it makes perfect sense that your desire for sex may decrease. Your body isn't failing you. It's giving you information.
For women experiencing these changes, I encourage them to talk with their primary care provider or a women's health and hormone specialist about their options. Depending on the individual, systemic hormone therapy or localized vaginal estrogen may be a great option. Vaginal estrogen can be particularly helpful for maintaining the health and function of the vulvar and vaginal tissues, improving comfort with sex, and reducing the risk of recurrent urinary tract infections.
And I think it's important to broaden the conversation beyond hormones. Desire isn't simply a switch that's either turned on or off. One of the books I recommend to everyone I work with (and all my friends) is Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. It was the sex education I wish I had received growing up. She does a wonderful job explaining that desire and arousal are influenced by so many factors, including stress, sleep, hormones, body image, relationship dynamics, feeling emotionally connected, and whether our environment feels safe and supportive.
This is also why I don't like framing changes in libido as simply a "you problem." Sex happens between people, and intimacy is relational. It can be worth asking: How is your partner showing up for you? How are you showing up for your partner? Are you communicating about what feels good now, rather than assuming your body should respond the way it did 10 or 20 years ago? There is no better time to start conversations about sex with your partner than today.
Midlife can actually be an opportunity to redefine what intimacy looks like. It doesn't have to mean getting back to the sex life you had in your 20s. It can mean figuring out what feels good, comfortable, connected, and exciting for the body and relationship you have now.
I also, highly encourage people to try to bring some FUN into their sex lives, we are so lucky to live in a time where we have access to things like Arya, a fun subscription box that you can sign up for types of intimacy and sex that you are interested in and they will send you a curated box of fun for you and your partner to explore. A part of sex and intimacy that doesn’t get talked about enough is that if the sex you are having is boring, mundane, and you can just “do it” on autopilot, that isn’t something that we might be interested in as much as throwing in some novelty and spicing things up here and there.
Say Goodbye to Dryness and Discomfort.
Designed to enhance the comfort and vitality of delicate areas, Charge HydroStem supports a heightened awareness of natural sensations.
By hydrating and refreshing sensitive skin, it promotes an improved sense of touch and responsiveness.
Charge HydroStem is formulated to restore hydration and encourage relaxation, fostering confidence and closeness - creating a soothing, luxurious experience that enhances your connection to your body and intimate moments.
Question #2: Body Odor
Why Is My Body Doing THAT?
You know it! Charge HydroStem has a few things to say about this:
Changes in body odor are one of the most common and least talked-about signs of hormonal change. During perimenopause, after giving birth, and through menopause, many women notice they simply smell different, and not just under their arms. Shifting hormones can change how the body sweats and how skin smells all over, so if you’ve caught yourself wondering “why do I smell different now?”, you’re far from alone.
The change that women are least likely to bring up, even with their doctor, is intimate odor. It can feel embarrassing or even alarming, but it’s often a normal part of the body adjusting. As hormones shift, so do the vaginal microbiome and pH, the balance of bacteria and acidity that keeps vaginal tissue healthy. When that balance changes, it’s common to notice a difference in scent or discharge. This isn’t a sign that something is wrong with you. It’s your body changing, and understanding what’s normal makes it much easier to know how to support it.
Sometimes the first clue comes from someone else. A daughter might mention that something seems different, and that comment can be an early hint that perimenopause is starting. Odor changes rarely arrive on their own, either. If you’re noticing a shift in scent, you may also start to experience other changes like vaginal dryness or discomfort during sex. Knowing what else might come helps you get ahead of it.
This is where Charge HydroStem can play a role. Charge offers hormone-free support for a healthy vaginal microbiome. It isn’t a quick fix for odor. It’s a way to care for your body as it moves through these transitions. For women who want to support their intimate health proactively, or who can’t or don’t want to use hormones, it’s an option designed to work with the changes their body is already going through.
Get These Shorts!
One thing Babble has found that helps? Thigh Society shorts. They keep things cooler and less sweaty down there, and less sweat means fresher all around. Bonus: no more chub rub. If you don't want to shell out the money for these shorts, check out another Amazon option that gets awesome reviews too!
Underarms, Specifically
Several women we talked to mentioned their underarm smell changing in midlife. Brooke noticed this too, commenting that she now "smelled like a shallot". As estrogen drops, testosterone gets relatively louder, and add in hot flashes and night sweats, the bacteria on your skin have more sweat to feast on. Here are some ideas for our other "shallot smelling" sisters.
Wash with a benzoyl peroxide or antibacterial body wash. It’s a dermatologist favorite for a reason.
Apply antiperspirant at night. It works best on cool, dry skin.
Stick to breathable fabrics like cotton and linen.
Retire the old workout tops. Synthetic fabric can hang onto smell, even after washing.
Try Lume deodorant. It’s aluminum-free, created by an OB-GYN, and says it lasts up to 72 hours. Bonus: it’s made for external use anywhere on your body, not just your pits.
Brooke also tried something "out of the box." One of our favorite Redmond products is their Bentonite Clay Mask. You can get their pure bentonite clay in powder form, perfect for an underarm detox mask. Here's what Brooke did:
How to Make and Use a Redmond Clay Underarm Mask:
Ratio: Mix 1 tablespoon of Redmond Powdered Clay with 1 to 2 tablespoons of raw apple cider vinegar (or a mix of apple cider vinegar and a little water) until it forms a smooth, creamy paste.
Application: Spread a thin, even layer of the clay paste across clean underarms. (Thin is key here - takes a bit to dry, with arms up, so time is of the essence.)
Time: Leave the mask on for 5 to 15 minutes (start with 5 minutes if you have sensitive skin). Do not let it crack or over-dry painfully.
Removal: Rinse thoroughly with warm water in the shower or wipe clean with a warm, wet washcloth.
Brooke said she noticed a difference in her underarms immediately, and they felt softer. Keep in mind, dermatologists note that your liver and kidneys handle your body's actual internal detoxification, so a clay mask primarily acts as a deep surface cleanser and mild exfoliator for the skin.
Check this out for more information and a different take on the underarm detox.
Is that my breath?!
Brooke was recently at an event when another woman was frantically looking for a breath mint. All of us ladies started commenting on how we wish we had one as well and that we just felt like our mouth was so pasty and dry. We did a little research and turns out perimenopause might be the culprit.
Estrogen helps keep your mouth moist and your gums happy, so when it starts bouncing around, saliva can dry up and gums can get more inflamed. Less saliva means the bad bacteria throw a party, and that party smells like... well, you know. Add in coffee, wine, allergy meds and sleeping with your mouth open (no judgment, we’re all snoring now), and it all stacks up.
The good news? This one’s fixable. Sip water all day, chew sugar-free gum to get the saliva flowing, and skip alcohol-based mouthwash, which dries you out even more. Floss like you mean it and scrape that tongue. And if your gums are bleeding or the breath just won’t quit, book the dentist. It can be an early sign of gum disease, and your dentist would much rather hear about it now.
Questions #3: Is My Vagina Different?
Vaginal Health
Charge HydroStem had a lot to say about this topic - and thank goodness for that! I bet you can't find one woman out there who hasn't uttered these very words to themselves at some point during their life - but especially during midlife. What IS going on down there?
“Is my vagina different?” is the question most women have and almost no one asks out loud. The honest answer is yes, and that’s normal. The vagina and the tissues around it change across life stages: after giving birth, as hormones shift in perimenopause and menopause, and after gynecological surgery. Knowing what to expect at each stage takes away a lot of the worry and embarrassment that keep women from asking.
Some of the most common changes involve the pelvic floor, the muscles that support the bladder, uterus and bowel. Leaking a little when you laugh, cough, exercise or jump on the trampoline is something many moms quietly put up with, and postpartum incontinence is extremely common. Prolapse, the feeling that something is “falling out” or heavy down below, is less talked about but just as real. These experiences are common, but they’re not something you simply have to live with, and they’re worth raising with a doctor or pelvic floor specialist.
Healing after birth or surgery also takes longer and looks different than most women are told. The “six week clearance” is a starting point, not a finish line, and intimate recovery after birth can continue well beyond it. Some women notice numbness or reduced sensation in the perineal area after a tear or episiotomy, and others deal with scar tissue pain after surgery. It helps to know what’s a normal part of healing and what’s a sign to check in with a doctor. After a hysterectomy, the information gap is even wider. Many women leave surgery with very little guidance on how their intimate health will change.
Many of these changes connect to the vaginal microbiome, the balance of bacteria and pH that keeps vaginal tissue healthy. That balance shifts naturally with age and hormones, which is why women often notice differences in moisture, comfort or odor during transitions like postpartum and perimenopause. Understanding the microbiome answers a lot of “why is my body doing that?” questions and makes these changes feel less mysterious and less personal.
Most women don’t think about intimate health until something starts to hurt or feel off, but you don’t have to wait until you’re in it to start paying attention. Supporting your body ahead of the shift is a real option, and this is where Charge HydroStem fits in. It offers hormone-free support for vaginal tissue and a healthy vaginal microbiome. That’s especially relevant for women who can’t or don’t want to take HRT. Hormone therapy is the right choice for some women, but it isn’t the only path, and women deserve options that fit their health history and preferences.
Vaginal & Vulvar Health: What Changes Are Normal?
Molly Gray with Mountain Mamma Pelvic Health weighed in:
As estrogen declines during perimenopause and essentially disappears post menopause, the vulvar and vaginal tissues change. We can see less blood flow, less lubrication, and changes in the size and fullness of the tissues. The labia minora are often among the first areas where women notice changes in tissue volume.
A lot of women are surprised to learn that their vulva can actually change in appearance during midlife. The tissues may look less plump or pink, and the labia can become smaller or less prominent. These changes can be completely normal, but they’re worth paying attention to, especially if they’re happening alongside dryness, irritation, tenderness, or pain. I practice in a more preventative fashion, and what we know is that downstream effects of these tissue changes increase your risks of UTIs, urosepsis, and death, and we can prevent this from starting earlier with topical estrogen cream and sometimes other topical moisturizers.
I highly encourage women to get comfortable looking at their own vulvas with a mirror. Knowing what your normal anatomy looks like makes it much easier to notice changes and have a specific conversation with your provider. You don't need to be an expert in anatomy. You just need to know your own body.
Question #4: Mental Health
I Don’t Feel Like Myself: What’s Happening to My Brain and Emotions?
This is often a tough topic to bring up in every day conversation. But it's incredibly important...especially in midlife. During midlife so many "normals" are changing or disappearing. Our bodies are changing - sometimes dramatically. And hormones play a key role in mental health. It's normal to not feel like yourself right now, and based on our research, you're absolutely not alone.
We reached out to multiple sources to help us tackle this one. Here are their thoughts on mental health in midlife.
Jill R. Gustafson, CNM, MSCP with Quantum Women's Health:
So many women talk about these mood changes in midlife, which tend to show up as early as the mid-30s for a lot of women. Irritability, overwhelm, and this general “wired and tired” feeling just seems to sneak up on us - seemingly out of nowhere, and can really sap us of energy very quickly. One minute, you’re keeping all the balls in the air and juggling like a pro, and the next minute, you feel overwhelmed by the smallest details and completely caught out. Family, home, or work responsibilities can add to our stress when we are feeling down and depleted, and things can spiral very quickly.
Hormones play a really big part in regulating our moods, our energy balance, and helping keep our cortisol levels in check, but once you hit midlife- that regulation piece kind of goes out the window. Many of the ways to help with this are obvious - the boring, not-so-sexy things! - like getting updated medical care, adequate sleep, healthy nutrition and movement, nourishing social interactions, and of course when all else fails, looking into hormonal solutions.
I also find it is important to acknowledge that you are getting older, and that the superpowers we are used to in our younger years may not come as easily as before. This is SUCH a normal part of aging. Many people find that they can’t keep as many things front of mind as easily as they used to, and this impacts things like memory recall, prioritization, focus, productivity, and attention. When our brains are tired, we tend to show it by feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or irritable. Simple strategies like setting (and reminding yourself about!) daily intentions and goals (including self-care goals!), and journaling to track your progress over time can go a really long way towards learning about yourself, setting appropriate boundaries for self-care, and reducing overwhelm in perimenopause.
Shelby Stoddard, NP, F.I.T. NP ™ (Functional Integrative Terrain Nurse Practitioner ™) with Functional Medicine of Idaho:
After 32 years in healthcare, I can tell you that some of the most meaningful conversations I have with women aren’t necessarily about a diagnosis—they’re about the changes in their bodies that nobody prepared them for. I love that you’re asking what women can actually do to feel better.
"I Don’t Feel Like Myself Anymore!"
If I had a dollar for every woman who sat across from me and said, “I just don’t feel like myself anymore,” I’d be retired! These are women who have managed careers, raised families, and handled high-stress situations. Then suddenly, they’re anxious, irritable, forgetful, exhausted, or waking up at 3 a.m. with racing thoughts, wondering what’s wrong.
During perimenopause, dramatic hormone fluctuations directly influence how our brains regulate mood, sleep, and stress. However, it’s rarely helpful to look at hormones in isolation. I often see women who are eating too little, exercising hard, sleeping poorly, relying on caffeine, and feeling completely overwhelmed. Their bodies are simply struggling to keep up.
What You Can Do:
Pay attention to your sleep: Track details like waking up at 3 a.m., experiencing night sweats, or feeling exhausted after 7–8 hours.
Nourish your body: Avoid under-eating. Your brain needs consistent, balanced nutrition and energy.
Balance movement and recovery: Walking and strength training are wonderful, but recovery is essential. More isn't always better.
Notice patterns: Track whether symptoms worsen before your period, after poor sleep, or when you skip meals.
When to see a provider:
Consult a professional when anxiety, irritability, brain fog, or fatigue starts interfering with your everyday life.
Don’t automatically assume it’s menopause; thyroid problems, sleep disorders, nutrient deficiencies, and depression can cause similar symptoms.
Please don't wait until you feel completely overwhelmed to ask for help. You haven’t lost yourself. Your body is going through changes, and you deserve to understand what’s happening.
Charge HydroStem is not a mental health provider. But through their work with women in midlife, they had some insight worth sharing as well:
Hormones affect much more than the body. They shape mood, too. Rage during perimenopause, rage after giving birth, and spikes in anxiety around hormonal transitions are all common, and they can feel frightening when you don’t know where they’re coming from. Understanding that hormones play a role can make these feelings less isolating.
Many women describe feeling like a stranger in their own body during perimenopause, after having a baby, or after surgery. That sense of loss is a kind of grief, for the body you knew and the version of yourself that lived in it. It’s rarely named out loud, but it’s one of the most honest parts of going through these changes.
There’s also the weight of feeling unseen. In a culture obsessed with youth, a changing body can bring a quiet fear of becoming invisible or undesirable. That feeling carries a real mental load, even when no one else can see it.
Not knowing what’s normal can be lonely, too. Many women feel stupid or alone for not knowing whether a symptom is “just aging” or something to bring to a doctor, and that uncertainty breeds anxiety. Talking openly about these changes is one of the simplest ways to ease it.
Postpartum rage deserves its own conversation. It’s different from postpartum depression and far less discussed, and it often carries shame because it doesn’t fit the “sad mom” image people expect. It can look like sudden, intense anger over small things, yelling, feeling out of control, or overwhelming guilt afterward. If this sounds familiar, you’re not losing it. It’s a recognized part of the postpartum experience, and it’s worth raising with a doctor, both for yourself and so loved ones know what to watch for.
As women look for hormone-free options during these transitions, Charge offers hormone-free intimate wellness support, such as care for vaginal tissue recovery after birth. It’s one part of caring for a body that’s going through a lot.
Personal Note
As I have journeyed through perimenopause the past few years, my anger and irritability levels have fluctuated immensely. I talked to my healthcare provider about this and she immediately mentioned progesterone and how much it fluctuates (and tanks) during perimenopause. This little hormone is responsible for mood - particularly anger and irritability.
Midlife is a beautiful stage in life where we just don't give a f*ck anymore. But sometimes that spills over into anger and irritability more than we want. Apologize to your family, let them know it's not your fault, then talk to your healthcare provider. There are ways to help yourself feel better (while also still not giving a f*ck).
Question #5: Bowel Movements
Help me poop already!
This was a no-brainer. We definitely wanted a functional medicine doctor's take on all things guts and poop. Enter: Shelby Stoddard, NP, F.I.T. NP ™ (Functional Integrative Terrain Nurse Practitioner ™) with Functional Medicine of Idaho.
Can we please talk about bowel movements without whispering?
Digestion tells us so much about our overall health. I frequently see women who eat a healthy diet but struggle with constipation, bloating, or unpredictable bowel movements.
While hormones play a role, lifestyle factors are often key:
Are we eating enough?
Getting adequate fiber and water?
Moving daily?
Taking time to sit down without rushing?
When we prioritize everyone else, our basic digestive needs become an afterthought.
What you can do:
Adjust your diet: Eat regularly and aim for approximately 25 grams of fiber daily (increase gradually).
Hydrate and move: Drink adequate fluids and walk daily to keep things moving.
Establish a routine: Give yourself time to use the bathroom after breakfast to take advantage of your body's natural reflexes.
Using a small footstool can also improve your position.
Remember, "normal" ranges from three times daily to three times weekly. What matters is that your stools are comfortable to pass without straining, and that the pattern is normal for you.
When to see a provider:
Seek care if constipation is new, persistent, painful, or a significant change.
Blood in the stool, unexplained weight loss, or persistent abdominal pain should never be ignored.
If you are doing everything right and still struggling, look deeper rather than just adding another supplement. Your gut, brain, hormones, and nervous system are constantly communicating.
Bowel Health & Constipation in Midlife - some expert advice from Molly Gray with Mountain Mamma Pelvic Health:
Constipation can become more common during perimenopause and menopause, and medications and hormones can play a role. For example, progesterone can slow gastrointestinal motility for some people, so women who start progesterone for sleep or other menopausal symptoms may notice changes in their bowel movements.
One of the biggest misconceptions I see is that you can't be constipated if you're having a bowel movement every day. You absolutely can. In pelvic floor physical therapy, we look at more than just frequency. We care about stool consistency, how much straining you're doing, whether you feel completely emptied, and whether you're having to work hard to have a bowel movement.
I love using the Bristol Stool Scale because it gives patients a really simple way to understand what's happening with their gut.
We're generally looking for a Type 4 stool: formed, soft, and easy to pass. If you're consistently having hard, pellet-like Type 1 stools, that's a sign we need to look at hydration, fiber, and potentially other factors contributing to constipation.
For many people, the basics really matter: adequate fluids, enough dietary fiber, and regular movement. Chia seeds, berries, nuts, whole grains, fruits and vegetables can be easy ways to increase fiber.
Walking and resistance training can also support healthy bowel function. If you're struggling with constipation or aren't sure how to change your diet, working with a registered dietitian along with a pelvic floor PT can be incredibly helpful.
Constipation isn't only about how often you poop. You can go every day and still be constipated if your stool is hard, you're straining, or you never feel completely emptied.
Your bowel movements should be relatively easy and comfortable. That's a much better marker of healthy bowel function than simply counting how many times you go.
Your poop is giving you information. The goal isn't simply to have a bowel movement every day. The goal is a bowel movement that's soft, formed, easy to pass, and doesn't require you to strain or spend more than minutes on the toilet.
One Thing I Wish Every Woman Knew
A final thought from Shelby Stoddard, NP, F.I.T. NP ™ (Functional Integrative Terrain Nurse Practitioner ™) with Functional Medicine of Idaho:
We’ve spent generations teaching women how to care for everyone else without teaching them how to understand their own bodies. We learn about puberty and pregnancy, but the conversation around perimenopause and menopause gets lost.
In functional and integrative medicine, we focus on the "terrain"—the internal environment influencing body function. Our hormones, brain, gut, metabolism, nutrition, sleep, and nervous system don't work independently. What seems like several unrelated issues is often a collection of symptoms influenced by overlapping changes.
I want women to stop feeling embarrassed about their bodies and start feeling curious. The more openly we talk about these changes, the better prepared future generations will be. Your body isn’t working against you—it’s communicating with you.
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